Thursday 12 March 2020

Accountability vs Rudeness

Where is the line between holding someone accountable and just being rude? 

I will be the first to admit I have been a yo-yo WW member. I’ll be all excited and motivated and fall off that wagon. In the last 5 years I’ve fallen off twice due to pregnancies/new baby/hormones, a few times due to health problems (which involved medical specialists) and a few due to just life - personal issues/mental mindset. I know this about myself. I have accountability to that fact. I have never once said “WW doesn’t work” or expressed anger or irritation after a weigh in over being up. I know the program works when followed.

When I have come back after any of these “wagon fall offs” it’s my wanting to try again. Wanting to be serious and make the changes I know I need to make. Wanting to have the strength to stick with the program through all life’s curveballs. It’s hard to come back. It’s hard fearing the number, the possible judgement the overall disappointment in myself. It’s not something I take lightly and usually something I’ve put off for days/weeks due to those feelings. 

So when I do finally make that step in - I’m curious as to where that line is for the staff member - that line of holding someone accountable and just being rude/mean?

I had been putting the going back and facing music off for awhile. Gathering up the strength and courage to go in and get back on track after a pretty hellish few months. I was a few towns over and went somewhere else since I saw it and was like “it’s a sign” and went in on a spur of the moment decision. 

The woman there didn’t know me. Didn’t know my history. My circumstances. My medical information or details. All she saw was a weight gain and whatever other details her screen showed. I am sure my not so great track record was on there to some degree - but my point was she didn’t have the whole picture. 

That’s when she asked “what are you goals?” - okay, standard enough question. I answered and explained I know I need to get back on track and had had some stuff going on in my life - personal and medical. From there the attitude (which wasn’t friendly to begin with) turned rude. It became a lecture how health problems stem from weight gain (when I mentioned health problems having played a role in the weight gain). A lecture how I need to take time for myself - be it bringing my kids to meetings or making my husband (who works nights) help me out with childcare. A anecdote how people say she’s the “mean” one but then they come back the following week and tell her  it was what they needed to hear. (I’ll point out here my weight gain overall was 4.8 since September - so it’s not like we are talking 20+ lbs). 

I walked away thinking okay - she’s not wrong, I am making excuses, she has good points. And that was that. But then I started to think about it more. It’s now been almost a week and rather then wanting to go back and say “you were right and I needed to hear all that” (which she claims many people tell her) I want to go back and tell her that she crossed a line. 

She isn’t my doctor. She isn’t my friend or family member. She isn’t someone who knows anything about me or my life or my situation. She’s a women getting paid by a program I pay for - a women getting to paid to support and encourage. Not lecture. Not judge. Not dole out advice for my life, a life she knows nothing about. 

There is a women at my usual centre who knows how many times I have fallen on/off. And she’s held me accountable - she’s told me the program works and I need to take it seriously. And I need to do it for myself because no one else will do it for me - but she’s always done so in a positive and supportive way. A way that motivates me back into the program. Not in a way that makes me spend the week thinking “why am I paying for this?”

I know it wasn’t just me - because my mother who lost another 15 lbs (bringing her to her 50lb weight loss) weighed in after me and there was no excitement or positivity,  no congratulating her on that accomplishment. Just a “do you want your charm today or at your usual centre?” 

So maybe she was having a bad day. Maybe she has stuff going on in her life that I am not aware of. But that’s the difference between her and I. I know I am not privy to all aspects of her life and circumstances. I’ll show her some compassion and hope it was just her having a bad day. In a society where everyone is quick to tweet or email or report bad service, I am doing none of those. I’m posting this - without any information as to the women or what location this happened at. 

I’m not letting her get to me. I had a good week. Went back to the gym. Tracked everything. But that was because of me - not because of her. And if I see her at another centre I’ll weigh in a different time. Because this is my journey and I don’t need anyone - especially those who don’t know anything about me - bringing me down. 

But I am left wondering am I being over sensitive? Was she in the right trying to motivate me? Or did she cross that fine line into being rude?